Hm.

This seems very odd… I have so many reasons to be happy, yet I suddenly find myself being sad…

I’m watching Fly Away Home. I might claim others to be my favorite movie, I might have a list ten pages long of movies I claim to be my favorite… but truth of all truths… my honest favorite is Fly Away Home. I imagine that says I’m somewhat childish or something; it didn’t get that great of ratings and has mostly been forgotten… but every time I see it on TV that’s what I’m watching; regardless of what else is on. It’s on Animal Planet right now.

So, my favorite movie is on, why am I sad?

I don’t know, for sure. I love this movie. The beginning is sad, it has a few sad parts all through, a lot of funny parts, a lot of ‘make you smile’ moments… but none of those are the cause.

I’m watching and find myself thinking “I really need to just buy a copy of this.”

And I realize I don’t need to… I have 2 copies.

My daddy bought them for me. One because I watched it everywhere I could when it came out. Before anyone else, he noticed I loved that movie. I watched it at least once every day I was at his house. He never made me turn it off. Mom never understood why I liked it; never felt the need to get it.

Even after all the truth came forward and the police say the bruises and marks he’d left on me… when Mom had to take us on full time at her house it was never mentioned. I requested it a few times, but never got the film.

When we were forced to do supervised visits with dad, most of the time we knew he was acting nice so we acted nice back. Other times there was the hope that he’d actually changed and a few times just the knowledge that he’d fooled us before. Every time I look down at the scars on my arms I’m reminded of that.

He’d even had… Tom… that vile, despicable disgrace of a man; a man who is, in essence, an insult to every living organism simply by being amongst them, drop off a load of stuff from our room at my dad’s house…

But at one visit, the last one, after he knew… I wasn’t coming back. He gave me Fly Away Home. The original VHS tape and a new DVD. He said he wasn’t sure if the VHS would even play much longer, but wasn’t sure if I had a DVD player. “I know you love this movie… I don’t want you to be without it.”

…Why does that kill me now? I can’t watch the tape or DVD he gave me… touching them hurts, seeing them hurts… but I don’t have any other copy. It’s on TV, why does that make me cry? … agh. I told the police for the right reason. It was their call to demand we get the order of protection; our lives were in danger. The one police officer told me it would have only gotten worse… that it was 5 years before I’d turn 18 and even then the chance of escape was limited… where would I go that he wouldn’t follow?

Agh… anyway. Happier news soon, I swear. For some reason it feels better to write about it.

So! Starting tomorrow, Friday September 7th, I'll be at CopperCon in Phoenix Arizona.

I'm pretty excited! It's supposed to be a lot of fun and it's one of the few times I get to go to a convention without having to spend all my time making sales, speeches, advertising and all that jazz.

Not to say I won't be doing signings :) I plan on doing quite a bit, but I don't have my own official table or schedule. I just get to have fun!

Sweet :)

I'm spending a majority of my time following Jack Mangan around as he introduces me to people and I give my familiar speech about my book. I'm bringing one of my medium sized suitcases with merchandise and books inside-- but, sadly, I won't have any of the Manga's with me :( However, I will be taking orders from people! They can order the manga and pay less for it to be shipped to them since I'll get my shipment sent to me and can make people do local deliveries and save with bulk shipping.

They are also doing a few cosplays, I heard! And there is a masquerade on Saturday night! I've already made my costume for it (though I am debating going as a Hell Butterfly from Bleach). I'll post pictures here after the event.

I've decided to open this up a little bit... Making it so anyone who is from Gaia and comes up to me gets a chance to win my Momo Monkey! That way, not only can they have fun at the cosplay, looking at the booths and all can also get something Gaia related! PLUS! I like meeting people from Gaia IRL in a safe setting! I don't like people meeting each other offline in places, like, their homes or a park or airport... I like it better when it's some place with security... anyway! Gives us something to chat about and do and makes it so Gaia members have yet another reason to attend the convention. There is a lot of Anime content! It's cool!

So yeah! Phoenix AZ Gaia members! Go to CopperCon! Have fun, wear costumes, possibly get a momo! JUST remember! Parents=good thing when meeting people online. There will be thousands of people at this convention and like at ALL conventions, be sure you stay safe! Do not leave the building, don't go up to hotel rooms of people you do not know or just met, do not believe the people who say "hey, wanna run get a burger?" and offer to drive you... there will be food at the convention and if not, come see me and I'll make someone go get us food and bring it back to the con so that no kiddies have to run out with strangers. For absolutly no reason should you leave the convention without your parents knowledge and permission, and I can pretty much guarantee you right now that there is no reason I'd suggest we leave the convention. I'm sure most of you know how to behave at conventions anyway.

OH! I shouldn't be that hard to find. I'm 5'9, skinny and I'll be wearing something black guaranteed ('cause I look in my closet and... that's all I have. Blue jeans, black slacks, black shirts, skirts...). I have dark brown hair with goldenbrown, red and dddaaarrrk brown streaks through it. (It's like that naturally, but I got streaks put into my bangs now, too, so when people ask "did you dye your hair?" I can say yes without lying.)

Also,on my website in the About the Author section there are a lot of pictures of me.

UM! If you come for the masquerade-- I'll be in black with cloud tights, black boots, a black shirt with red bows, a black top, white feather wings, horns, a pitchfork, a halo and gloves and... well, you'll see me XD.

My art contest, I have decided, I am extending to October 31st so people have more time to enter :)

That's all.

Once again I'm having an art contest! This one brings in a handful of new characters as well as another Manga contest! The manga part is an excellent way for people to get their name out there and/or advertise work they are already doing! If you have an online comic, art site, deviantart account, if you accept commissions... all this will be included in the back of the manga your art is used in (if we use your art) for everyone to see! I'll also show it off at every convention, book signing, and conference I go to! You can enter by going to The Gaia Thread or simply by replying to this post saying you are interested! I know a few people here on Livejournal who have replied to my posts before that I REALLY hope enter! Naomi is one ('Cause she's done some art almost a year ago she hasn't finished that I've been waiting to see) Mel is another ^_^

Here are the characters:

Here we have very basic very short descriptions of the characters! If you click on their name it will take you to a webpage I have created for each one of them that gives a much better description and examples! Also, there will be topbanners on each page, if you click them they will take you somewhere cool. ^_^ Here you see their names, short description and brief info on what their topbanner image links to! I highly suggest you read the webpage of the character you wish to draw.



Abdalla (What It’s Worth)

Main character depicted at the ages of 13, 15, 17 and 21. He is a cool and calm Witch/alchemist who enjoys his personal space. Abdalla is a species of witch born one at a time and do not live long. He has a death element and has often been mocked and called a Necromancer. Abdalla has a sword and a scythe bladded on both ends. Link to the story he is in is on his page! But the story is not nearly complete yet.



Hunter (Predator Turned Prey)

Main Character of my published novel Predator Turned Prey, he is a hybrid with a jaguar tail, sometimes cat ears and jaguar spots in his hair. He is 13 years old. Link on his page takes to the published novel’s official site where you can view over 65 pieces of fanart, read about the novel, see the merchandise shop, the forum, play games, read comics, chat on the tagboard and more!



Jesse (Jesse’s Story)

Jesse is the main character in his story. A pleasant and athletic boy, aged 15-17. Wears modern clothing and has more than one possible hairstyle. While being in high school and very good at sports, he does not have the ‘jock’ mentality. Link to the story he is in is on his page!



Lexin (May The Stars…)

A charismatic movie star of about 30 years of age forced to confront the sick reality of human trafficking to save a young girl. He will wear smart, trendy and expensive clothes. Currently he does not have much information up on his story, as that website is still a work in progress.



Troy (Jesse’s Story)

Jesse’s best friend. A 17 year old Hispanic male who wears trendy clothes and prefers the ‘hero’ role, sticking up for those who need help and taking charge when needed. Lack of reference pictures currently. Character is very interesting and funny! Link to the story he is in is on his page!



Thierry (Say It Again)

A male Vampire prince and the lead character in his story. Age 15. Thierry can look like a normal human/vampire but also has a demi ([DEHM-ee] A French term meaning "half" or "lesser," used in combination with other words as a modifier, such as with DEMI-SEC.) form with a lot of specific details. Drawings of the demi-form would be the preferred choice. Also wears very unique clothes. The topbanner link provided on his page goes to an interactive vampire story where you get the chance to enter his city (It’s a work in progress! Your art could end up being used in the creation of the page, and a link to any artsite or artshop will be included)



James (Predator Turned Prey)

Male in his late twenties. James is Mira’s tutor and one of the few people in the novel more interested in knowledge than current trends. He wants to know the truth behind everything rather than just blindly following the soldier’s rules. Link on his page takes to the published novel’s official site where you can view over 65 pieces of fanart, read about the novel, see the merchandise shop, the forum, play games, read comics, chat on the tagboard and more!



Aida (May The Stars…)

The 15 year old girl who was sold into slavery and in a desperate attempt to summon help, got in contact with Lexin, a movie star. Currently, her page links nowhere as her story and website is still a major Work In Progress.



Matsi (Predator Turned Prey)

Matsi is 17 and the best friend of Hunter in Predator Turned Prey. She is kind hearted, but has been a ‘servant’ for many years. Her clothes would be like a servant’s uniform, and old fashioned. Link on her page takes to the published novel’s official site where you can view over 65 pieces of fanart, read about the novel, see the merchandise shop, the forum, play games, read comics, chat on the tagboard and more!



Scarlet (Say It Again)

An interesting redheaded girl that is a best friend of Thierry. Sexy and cunning to the point where someone drew her as an anthro fox. She is 15 and a duchess. She is also actually a fox shifter, meaning she can completely turn into a fox. Her topbanner link is currently inactive as I’ve not yet finished it. (It’s a work in progress! Your art could end up being used in the creation of the page, and a link to any artsite or artshop will be included)



Mira (Predator Turned Prey)

Mira is Hunter’s owner. A spoiled 12 year old girl that was born into a rich family. For as long as she can remember her family has had ‘Servants’ and never considered anything wrong with that until Hunter turns up. But will she decide slavery has to end, or become one of the slavers herself? She wears elegant and expensive clothes, which are Victorian in fashion. She puts a lot of effort into her appearance. Link on her page takes to the published novel’s official site where you can view over 65 pieces of fanart, read about the novel, see the merchandise shop, the forum, play games, read comics, chat on the tagboard and more!




... prolly more later. Also, any of my fans who know my characters are welcome to do ones I have not listed here. XD


The characters are all from a few of my stories, including my published novel Predator Turned Prey


And here is nore info on the manga contest:






If you would like to view the official Manga Artist's webpage, Go Here

After my published novel, Predator Turned Prey, became a hit, I started thinking of other things to do that might be fun for the fans and give them something Predator Turned Prey related to have while waiting for the sequel.

So, I made a shop full of merchandise and started looking for people who would make hats, plushies, posters, etc... (still looking for more, PM me if you're interested;))

And that was great, but not enough...

Three years ago, I got an idea... While talking to my back cover artist and friend, Allyson Boeckman, I told her that I'd been toying with the thought of having my own manga. I loved receiving fanart, and had kept requesting scenes from the book.

"It would be cool to just have all the scenes." I said, not thinking too much would come from it.

Allyson, however, suddenly became enthusiastic and swallowed the idea up. "Let's do it! Let's make a PTP based Manga!”

So... we did!

This manga has sold terrifically! We give out copies as examples, too! It has landed Allyson a job with Jack Mangan creating a manga of his story Spherical Tomi.

However, it's not done yet.

While browsing through some other mangas, I noticed Guest Art. Some had special covers, back covers, inserts and more!

I started thinking... If this can work so well for us, why not open the opportunity to others?

And that's what this is! Your chance to get your artwork on a manga!

This is for the dreamers, the ones who want to point at a store and go "you see that? That's MY artwork!" With pride! Those who want to be a part of something much bigger in the world, the dreamers who want their art seen by thousands, who want to say "I work for author Ravyn Crescent" and not be lying. The ones who want to be featured at the conventions I go to, and maybe even get a few other jobs from it!

ALL the entries are looked over by me and Allyson Boeckman and we'll decide who we use, we don't. Sorry, but it has to be that way! We don't want to give this opportunity to just anyone, and we are the ones risking the money we get for selling the mangas by featuring guest art. So we'll be the ones who decide what we use and what we don't.
Final decision is left to me :) so be nice.
Okay! This contest, for those of you who tried out for the last one, if a little different in that we are allowing more styles!

The main thing we have added is 4 panel koma.
This gives artists a change to show off their Manga skills (Or Comic, depending on your style) in a little story! These will be put in the start and end of the manga. This may be a bit of a challenge for those who do not know the storyline or characters, but fear not! We are looking more at style than anything right now! Try your luck and if we like it we might accept you and give you a plot to work with.
We are also allowing omake as an intro!
We are also allowing back cover designs, front covers, full body, backgroundless character art, fanstrips and more. ALSO! Since many of you will not yet be familiar with the novel, you can use any of the characters in this contest for the Omake and Koma (but not for covers or back covers) as many of the character pages link to the story or at least are rather detailed. You can do a comic with the characters fighting with one another if you like!
For more info, you can go here: this is from my last manga contest when we were looking more for covers than anything else.
Covers. Yes, we are still accepting guest covers.



Click here to see the front and back cover of Manga 1 and 2

Have I got a treat for you! I'm letting you view Pages 1-10 of Manga Chapter 2! ^_^

Page 1
Page 2
Page 3
Page 4
Page 5
Page 6
Page 7
Page 8
Page 9
Page 10

Here's a detail on the sizes: 6.625 x 10.25 (inches) At least 200 DPI and a PNG! (I know many web hosts don't allow you to upload images of this size, but you CAN get a free website at www.freewebs.com and upload it there, then give me the URL address. Then delete it or keep it after the contest.)

You can get the template here: template

I hate that feeling. That terrible feeling in the pit of your stomach that makes you feel like you’ve got a stone there rather than a stomach… or that somehow it has become a black hole constantly empty and with no known way to stop its pull.

I was so happy when I heard about Bridging AZ Furniture Bank. The work they do is amazing, inspiring! They provide furniture to houses that have none to legal US citizens who cannot possibly afford any. They help abuse victims furnish their homes. Woman who were living in shelters who have lost it all get a chance for a one hour shopping spree at the Bridging AZ Furniture Bank to get couches, pictures, frames, computer monitors(though hardly anyone ever takes them), rugs, lamps, beds and more! Anything that is donated in good condition (they aren’t the Salvation Army or a trash bin, these people have higher standards that must be met), cleaned and repaired.

They needed a web designer but, as a nonprofit organization, could not afford to hire one. I learned about it through an AmeriCorp program at Mesa Community College when I was walking through with my mom to help her set up her new office. Their cause is amazing; I wanted to do everything I could to help! So I emailed Jim Piscopo (the founder) and said “You need a web designer? I’m your girl!” Offering my services regardless on if I would be paid or not, because I’ve been in that situation! My father left us not only broke, but in debt from credit card bills he’d made and bills he had neglected to pay throughout the years before the divorce (and after… we are STILL receiving bills from credit cards my mom didn’t even know existed! We’ve paid for my father to go on dates and trips to other countries… it’s ruined my mother’s credit and is getting very, very, very old. Old enough where I’m considering the idea of releasing my father’s real name—ruin his reputation as he’s ruined my mother’s by spreading vile lies).

I told Mr. Piscopo a few simple things…

1) I am a student. I’ve never taken formal web design classes, just self taught
2) I have made my own website and a few others, often making around two grand per site
3) I am a published author and have some ties in with the AZ Authors Association. As a member I can do advertisement and host book signings as fund raisers.
4) I do not use any programs beside SWiSH, wordpad and Paint Shop Pro to make my designs. I don’t know FrontPage, Dreamweaver or Blue Hippo. I do coding through HTML by hand.
5) I have a heart condition… I cannot be out in the heat much… how long depends on how hot it is. There are many days where I get very, very ill and cannot risk heat exposure at all—it is life threatening to me. A simple car ride to the grocery store can cause me to black out and I am on daily medications that seem to only be able to help while the weather is cool and I am inside.
6) I cannot do heavy lifting or put physical strain on myself as it causes my heart to skip. I’m a thin girl, and I did control horses before this, but my health issue means I can kill myself trying to do simple tasks in this Arizona heat.
7) I have to work from home as much as possible. It gets into the triple digits in the summer here and even though we have AC in the van, it’s very risky for me to go out.

Despite all that, he hired me! He was very energetic and excited (and he has a kitty, Larry, that I played with… clawed me up real good, too, hehe, before the interview even began I had to go use the bathroom to clean up the blood), he wanted flash animations, a new logo, flash buttons and banners! The works! He was going to go out of his way to find a way I could be paid for my work (I need the money bad) and said I could work at home so long as it was OK with the organization. Luckily, since I have doctors orders that I cannot work, any volunteer program legally has to make accommodations for me… or so I was told. He also was using Godaddy.com… which I’d never worked with before.
He told me to go home and do research on godaddy.

So that’s what I did! Not only that, though, but I began work on making a site layout. I emailed him with a few problems… Godaddy didn’t have an editor, so I couldn’t figure out how I was supposed to be able to make the site so it could be edited daily or changed easily. You had to upload dreamweaver files through an FTP…

Well, he told me we could change hosts, so I researched for a new one, then he said he didn’t want to, then he said he did... It was a confusing time. During this time, I managed to go to an AmeriCopr evaluation meeting and training. Sadly, it seemed that the program was not what I needed, but I was going to keep it in mind because it is an excellent program to help pay for college. While at the meeting, I told the woman I was already doing work for Bridging AZ. She was confused and asked me to repeat myself, so I informed her again that, yes, I knew Bridging AZ was in the Americorp program, I had met with Mr. Piscopo and been hired on.

She asked what I’d done so far and I told her that I did mostly research, as his desires were very strict. I’d also enlisted the help of several artists to do logo design! It cost me some money, and he rejected the designs so far, but I knew Zarsh was doing one for free and was going to help me with the flash animations since Mr. Piscopo didn’t have any artwork or designs for us to use. I’d researched a new host, built 3 example sites for him to choose a layout for, made flash buttons, got a cBox, and was already talking to the AZ Authors about using my last slot of the year to advertise Bridging AZ in the newsletter. I’d also done Trademark research for the company as Mr. Piscopo made the request a few days after I’d met with him. All in all, I was averaging ten hours a day. Also, I changed the logo on the current site because another furniture bank they were affiliated with in another state complained that it was too close to their logo.

She shook her head and said, “That’s wrong…”

I asked why, she told me that applicants were not to go on their own to find the program, AmeriCorp would do that. Also, the students weren’t supposed to begin work until signing in to the program and having their hours counted for compensation. She said I shouldn’t do any more until the program began.

Well, I also had a meeting with a program Mr. Piscopo had been pulling for me to join from the beginning, an ASU program called Public Allies. Mr. Piscopo told me they pay $200 a week and you get medical coverage! (Also something I desperately need) The only known problem was that their campus was a 45 minute drive away in Phoenix… and they wanted to meet me at 1:00 on the 10th of July.

Mr. Piscopo emailed me saying he was being asked daily when the new site would be up, and so he needed me to get it done within two weeks. He said to forget about the banner and just get it done… we hadn’t changed hosts or anything, but I said “Okay…” he also said I needed to think if I had time for this project, and I told him the least amount of time I’d spent on the site since I’d met him was five hours in a day, and I was averaging ten. Seven days a week.
He said he didn’t know that, but he needed the site done.

So I worked long and hard, got the front page set! No banner, but he said not to. I was very proud of this layout and, since we needed to change hosts, I had a bunch of my friends swear they’d advertise the site and visit it enough he’d get back any and all site hits he’d lost in the change.

I wanted to mention that AmeriCorp had advised me to stop working, but his organization had suck a good cause, I had to believe he had a good reason for needing the site done and up soon.

So I kept working will the third when I collapsed. Lack of medication mixed with our AC breaking was too much for my poor little heart. I got a refill on my meds, and the AC was eventually fixed (we have 2, only 1 broke so it wasn’t, like, deadly… just caused me to have severe chest pain).

I told Mr. Piscopo I had to take a break. I saw my doctor who yelled at me for all the stress I was under—got told several times I was killing myself. July 4th and 5th I was having sever chest pains, and to top it off I had some fans screaming at me because my treasure hunt hadn’t started when promised… the more active fans were civil. No real complaints, people understood… those are the REAL fans, I think. I understand being disappointed, I do, I bet they were! Still, they weren’t the ones yelling at me, complaining, calling me a liar, any of that. My real fans seem to care more and, deep down, I know they want to help me more they just don’t know how… I’ve put up ways, but they must not see it. School kept them busy, too.

Anyway…

I still did work till the front page was done, then I sent it to Mr. Piscopo for his approval.

I didn’t see any emails back… and on the 10th I headed for the Public Allies meeting.

Nearly ended up in the hospital (long story short, I was at a hospital briefly and told I should’ve died that day)… Agony. Blacked out twice on the way over, was hyperventilating, my face, despite wearing foundation and powder that was slightly darker than my skin tone, was as white as my dress shirt. (It was somewhat transparent, so I had to have a thin black top on over it, but the sleeves show... I don’t have any shirts that aren’t black that are appropriate for business 0_0)
Movement hurt, breathing was hard, going over bumps in the road was painful. Mom parked outside (she took me ‘cause I can’t drive yet) and later said she was afraid to even let me go. Walking was sooo difficult. Everything seemed to be spinning and my legs felt so weak. Made it to the elevator, blacked out in the elevator… pulled myself up and out when it got to the 5th floor.

Meeting went greeeat *saaarcasm*. Almost witnessed a car crash out the window. It became very, very apparent I wasn’t going to be accepted. You have to work at the place, you have to meet with a group twice a month, you have to go on retreats… all things I cannot do. I think they’re asking a lot out of these kids! Many of them already have work and school to do… a lot of these conflicts with class schedules. You also have to go out and celebrate holidays by doing community service… including a holiday that keeps bringing up controversy here and I, for one, do not celebrate… also, they ask if they need to call 911 because “you’re not looking to good.” (I told her that was arguable; most of my fans say I’m hot XD)
They have to be informed of medical conditions... after I mention mine, they won’t touch me…

…

I think that’s one of the worst parts about being ill, seconded only to actually being ill. People treat me like I’ll give them the plague.

I’m not contagious. I’m not going to give you anything! I’m one of the most sanitary people out there! I do not share drinks, I use hand sanitizer before and after opening doors, if I wash my hands and use paper towels to open door sin bathrooms (you have to, really, someone before you is guaranteed not to have washed their hands and you can get nasty viruses from that. Only way to exit a bathroom is to use a paper towel to touch the door handle. Unless they have those air dryers… then you have to hold it open with your foot whilst washing your hands, drying your hands, and exiting). I use hand sanitizer so frequently I actually empty entire bottles in 1 day. Why? Because I’m out with people and it’s only polite to make sure I am doing nothing to get them ill. I’ve been known to keep a large thing of hand sanitizer on the table with me for people to use as they need (and I give away candy) so that anyone else who feels how I do can use it. I don’t refuse to shake someone’s hand, that’s not nice at all, unless they have blood, open sours, pussy yucky stuff on their hands and then… who would want to shake their hand? I cut and bruise easily now that I’m on aspirin daily, so I want to be sure nothing gets into any cuts I have on my hands and none of my blood gets on anyone… I work very, very hard to make sure I cannot get people sick. I mean… Saphire came to my leprecon book signing, and I remember being afraid for a bit because she knew I had health issues, and I was afraid she’d be uncomfortable near me… but she wasn’t, not that I could tell anyway! She was nice, didn’t mind at all when I said I needed food… She didn’t treat me weird and all and that is what I love about my real fans! They know me enough to know I would never try to hurt any of them. If I’m sick from a virus I stay home, and if I can’t I give warning to the place I’m at “Fine, I am here, but I have 24 hour leprosy. Don’t let people get within ten feet.” … okay, so I’ve never said that (to a business) but you get what I mean.

It hurts so bad to have people shun me because I have a heart condition! “Oh, sorry, I coughed on you! Now you’ll get my heart attacks and strokes, sorry…” I mean, come ON! I don’t even have heart disease! I can get sick from people easily, my immune system is low, but the odds of someone getting sick from me are amazingly low. I’m in the doctors so much I’m one of the healthiest people out there except for the heart condition and the barotrauma, neither of which can possibly be contagious. They’re disorders, not diseases.

For my heart, there is treatment and no cure. It’s forever and I don’t need people treating me like I’m filthy when there isn’t anything I can do about it, and there’s no way they can get it from me.

*sighs* anyway… I leave and meet mom downstairs, other stuff happens and in the end I’m at home preparing to write to Mr. Piscopo telling him Public Allies isn’t going to work out, but that I’ll still have the site done for him by Friday.

There’s already and email from him… and it’s to inform me that I had a month to do the site and didn’t, thus he hired someone else. He’ll still interview me for AmeriCorp to do marketing for him and internet media (alllll of it), making sites for other promotions and the sort, but I have to come in at least two and a half times a week and show proof I was working… apparently getting the site done is not proof. Daily emails isn’t either, since in the beginning he requested I just keep note of my hours and email him once a week about the progress.

It all just changed so fast. Poor Zarsh’s banner was rejected even though it was amazing. I’m out around $40 I’m never going to see again, I’ve gotten myself into trouble medically because of all of this and I come home feeling like I’m going to send a quick email to Mr. Piscopo before going to the hospital… and hear I’m fired… for doing my job too slow, even though I was working when told by the organizations responsible for this not to work just yet.

I really wish I knew what I did wrong, and I feel terrible because I wasted all the time and a lot of the money I had saved for marketing PTP this summer on a job I got fired from.

… I need help, and I don’t know where to go to ask. I have so many ideas but I can’t do them without a lot of help and I don’t know how to get that help. The world can be a better place! I even have posters from ALERT, I’m making anti-slavery merchandise, I’m trying my hardest! Hired on a few new artists… and I see myself falling behind.

I’m starting to get worried again. Worried my health is going to cause me to fail, and the thought is tearing me up inside. I wish I knew how to tell why this all means so much to me without feeling like I’m boring people or repeating myself.


All in all, I can’t do this alone anymore or I’ll die before my dream comes true.

Exciting news!

My buddy Kerry Green joined the Army Reserves a while back, and he is now in Texas getting a briefing!

Well, Kerry called me this morning (afternoon? It was about 11) and told me that in the briefing, they tarted talking about modern slavery. Cool, right? They're spreading the word! Telling their soldiers about it so they can help... every person who knows decreases the chance of them becoming slaves themselves and greatly increases their chases of noticing a victim and helping them!

However, that's not the cool thing he called to tell me. He was excited to say they started talking about my website and my novel! Kerry said once the briefing is over he is going to talk to the person giving the briefing and tell them he knows me and all about it ^_^ I wish him luck and safety!

I've been meaning to update about this for over a week now!

I've spent that week trying to fix some damages to the images I was going to upload...

It seems I have some terrific news! Predator Turned Prey is now in a store!

BookStar
Address:
Pavillions
8919 E Indian Bend Rd
Scottsdale, AZ 85250
(480)443-4909 (You can call and request they hold a copy of the book for you!)

Store Hours
Sun 10-8,
Mon-Sat 10-10

I went there on the 19th and got a lot of pictures!

Took that as we left. It's the store!



That's just the sign for what category we first saw the book in!



This is me searching for the book. Mom was camera happy as always and we have pictures of a few isles that the book wasn't even on, just 'cause I was looking and she snapped pictures every few seconds.



Here I've found it!




See? For real!




This is just it and the books next to it... I don't know why :)




This! Is the picture of the amazing endcap where my book is featured! In the AZ Authors, they say the Endcap is a huge deal-- everyone wants it! I must admit I bragged a little O:)

Not only is the novel in a store, but in a major chain store! Not a privately owned and operated one, or a used book store, or even one close enough to my house that I could constantly try to influence them (or the one I even worked for) this is one that is so amazing I had to go and see the book to believe it!


All this is thanks to Alec Dey*! Who I do hope is reading this, 'cause I'm coming back!
The pictures got ruined... my fault >_< So I need to get more!

If you want a copy of the book, go to this BookStar! Not only does it have my book, it also has a Monopoly game based on Pirates of the Caribbean.

Now, several fans (and my self) have been told by some other stores, that if 50 people request the book, they'll stock it!

... Not sure if that is true or not, but it's worth a shot, right? However, this BookStar already HAS the book, so why go elsewhere? I know it may be a bit of a drive for most of you (if you live outside of Arizona and you make this journey... get me picture proof and I'll send a t-shirt! 'Cause WOW!) but... you'd get a copy from the first store to ever stock the book! How amazing would that be!? If you can tell me what day and what time you're going there I'll even sign it saying you got it from the first store! Maybe Alec will sign it, too, for clarification!
That would be amazing!

Yeah!

So go! I'll wait here.

:)

In other news, I have a STALKER SITE! Hehe, it's a fansite! And yes, I've had fanpages before like YAW and CALNVAK.com, but this is a fansite dedicated entirely to me!
Go and sign up for the Fanlisting! It's cool and needs support so it can stay up! I'm not really associated with the site, but it's a fansite about me... how can I not support it? It seems really well set up, too! There IS a tagboard! And a news section that makes me laugh. She put that I got an icee XD!

Link Here!


Also, Manga volume II is now available for sale!

And those of you who are ARTISTS and reading this... take note that Ally and I are holding a contest! Good art might show up IN the manga! If you want more details, comment and mention you want details and leave an email address!


*-Alec Dey
Department Manager
Barnes & Noble 1829

Okay! So, I'm back from Leprecon 33 and figured it was time I post about it!

Leprecon is a science fiction/fantasy convention in Arizona that focuses mainly on artwork.
This year, there was only about 300 paying attendees, but everyone I met had a blast. They had a lot of workshops, from jewelry and mask making to writing work shops and more. There was a game room where you could play Halo 2 and a lot of other games! They had the Wii that I played Wii Sports on with Saphire. There was an art show and a charity art auction that I heard went well. Some amazing artwork there, I'll tell you! I wish they had allowed photography in the art room.

There was a StarWars party, and an AnimeRoom where they had FruitsBaskets and many other anime's playing, then had an anime trivia game after each showing.

I spent most of my time in the Dealers Room. To my right, was a man who showed me how to fight with a lightsaber




To my left, was this amazing jewelry shop! It had pure silver fantasy, wiccan and celtic jewelry for prices I'd never seen that low.

I bought a cute little wyvern pendant for Tiffy, and a silver chain for me! I also bought 2 bamboo and stone bracelets from a guy who kept paying me for the pixy stix I was giving away for free XD I made enough from him to pay for the second bracelet. (I'll add pictures of them later)

Friday was Meet the Pros where Roger, my stepdad, got the job of passing out tickets to participants for 1 free drink. He had a little trouble when he accidentally passed out both sides of the ticket when he was only supposed to pass out the one side, but it didn't matter in the end, all went well! The tickets were exchanged for free drinks! The bartender would NOT accept cash... so that was a bit annoying after a while >_< People complained 'cause they wanted a drink and were willing to pay for it, but that was an issue.

I went home after that and spent the night finishing my preparations, and Saturday morning we rushed back to the Phoenix Marriot and convention center. We were a little late... the plan had been to go to this place my mom had told me about, they specialize in showing people who have illnesses how to hide it with makeup. I've gotten insanely pale and my skin suffered from the treatments, tests and over all illnesses. Because I am on blood thinners, I bruise easily and there are dark blotches all over my face. I mean, I get bruises from sleeping with my hand to my face... so I wanted to hide that. The place, however, did not open till 10 and I had to be at the convention at 9:30... So we went to Target and got what I'd been told was good stuff... problem is I didn't know how to apply it *sighs*. Luckily, mom had this cream stuff that's designed to make scars and medical issues disappear (I don't remember the name of it... but I'll post it when I do!), so I had that and thanks to the miracles of the internet and my mothers help, figured out how to hide many of the things the treatments for my cardiac arrhythmia had caused! I also have a Physicians Formula Concealer Twins stick I use for minor things like on my forehead, but I think the weird cream/powder my mom lent me works best for the marks on my hands and arms as well as on my face. So, I put it on and had to wait for it to warm up, blend to my skin tone, and dry. It felt a little heavy till it dried, then it was fine. Then a small amount of base (just an ordinary cream base we got at target that matched my skin tone. Neutrogena Healthy Skin Enhancer Ivory to Fair) went over that. Then some sheer highlighting blush. It really doesn't take a lot, but if you are ill, notice to be a bit heavier with blush on your cheeks as there are still more coats to go on and they'll cover the blush, since blush should always go on before powder! After that, a blend of whites, browns and beiges as a powder coat (again, Target! Healthy Skin Blends from Neutrogena, same as the blush... I'm not a big fan of Neutrogena, they test on animals which ticks me off, so I own no other products by them, and only have these out of hast and inability to obtain from an animal friendly organization with my time limit. I don't sponsor or support their products, and have written to them in support of a group trying to make them stop testing on animals, I'm just telling exactly what I used 'cause I was asked during a heart care seminar from an older woman under the same treatments as me. I actually have found that there is no "greater" result by using a product tested on animals. in fact, ALMAY is WONDERFUL! I use their eye products and Revlon lipstick and they work WAY better than the Neutrogena!)
After that, Talc-Free Mineral Wear Matte Finishing Veil. It blends in all the rest of the makeup and keeps it all from rubbing or wearing off throughout the day (they also sell sprays that do this, but I don't like the sprays munch). Then comes the Almway stuff! ALMAY Intense i-Color eye liner (navy), Mascara (also navy) and the ALMAY Intense i-Color 3-shade eye shadow for blue eyes! I love this stuff, truly I do! Now, you need a lash comb/brush to go with it all... or it gets spider-leg-ish. I prefer using the lash comb, though! No matter what mascara I'm using or if it has ant-clump or whatever. It just looks better, in my opinion, to use the comb.
Finally, the Revlon ColorStay Overtime lipcolor. My color is Keep Blushing. It's pink, fun and I just like it. It says for a WHILE, though! Hehehe, like, days for me!

SO! While I was in my hotel room running around in circles and clawing at the packages the make-up came in, my mother and step father (Jhennicea and Roger) went down to the dealers room with my stuff.


Mom went and took a picture of this cool StarWars table... it had everything.


Then, at last, I showed up, with my little box.

Inside the box is my books, a thingy to hold my cards and a poster, the book to my right (your left... i think) is actually my register! It's where I had all my change and where I kept the money I earned!

Also, if you'll notice, I had an icee! It was white cherry, which isn't as good as red cherry and I don't know why... but it was still very, very good. I had popcorn, too, but I left it it my room. I use the icee as popcorn dip ^_^ tastes oh-so-good!

And ultra-red sparkly nail polish *laughs* which didn't match a single outfit, but you'll see why I had it later.

So, setting up of the table commenced. Here are the pictures mom kept snapping whil I was setting up ^_^ She's camera-happy, but who cares? She enjoys it and that's what matters.
Here's the pixy stix box! HUGE pixy stix! Giant sized, loooove them.



The Hunter Hat shown on the pixy stix box. The Hunter Hat wasn't for sale (that one's MINE) BUT more of them are for sale by clicking here for $19 (we were trying to keep it relatively inexpensive).


I was going to have a tablecloth airbrushed, but, uh... lost the flier for the guy who did the airbrushing. HOWEVER! Ally and her boss airbrushed me a pillowcase for my 19th birthday! So I used it and I think it looked good!


And here is Roger and I, looking over the table and going "Hmm... doesn't look right."


While we were setting up (and yeah, the poster by the cards changed from the front cover, to the back cover a lot till we decided to leave it as the back cover) a man walked over and looked through everything... He wouldn't talk and everything I said he sorta ignored and that was okay, really, but when I was already rushing to set up I was a bit disappointed that the first person to walk over didn't want to say anything... This picture looks like I'm about ready to shoot lasers outta my eyes! Doesn't it? I wasn't irritated by him, really, the picture just turned out that way, hehehe!


And if you can see, I'm wearing this t-shirt! but I have a mesh shirt under it 'cause I wanted to hide the marks on my arm a bit better.

This is the left side of the table! Featuring Manga Volume I (volume 2 is also now available), some fliers, and some pictures of the Duct Tape Wallets my sister, Eve, makes and sells. Also, you can see the Valhan Map pillow, license plate frame, the raffle bag where the free raffle tickets went, some of the bookmarks I was giving away, a few books and the Book Cover Bear... a-and the icee... and also the picture frame! Yes, the picture frame/slide-show projector! You can go here to see it in action! The beany kitty on top of it is LeoPard (mom named him :)). It's a screen cleaner! It's tummy is made of a soft cloth designed to clean computer screens.


And this is the left/center of the table!


So, a few other people came up, and that was cool! Saphiremomo, a friend on Gaia who draws characters for me all the time, was supposed to come (So were a few people I knew in High School who promised to come but never did *frowns*) but I didn't know where she was, so I called Robin to ask if she posted anything. While... partly hiding behind my table... He goes to check and I kept looking up and seeing this girl in blue pacing and looking nervous... So, I hang up with Robin and look at her, trying to use my telepathy powers to make her come over ^_^ (WORKED!) And she's Saphire! I should have known from the blue shirt, but I had never met her before. She was nervous, but really cool! Sadly, she had to pay her way into the convention >_< which I feel bad about since I had a pass that would get her into the convention that I got for participating... alas, it worked out fine! She didn't mind paying, and I ended up needing the second pass later to get a drink (I lost my first one for about 20 minutes... turned out it was under a book in my hotel room).



Saphire was very cool! She was there till 4 and spent the whole time with me! She drew Eyes to put on the pixy stix since they were already wearing a hat! And she showed me the beginning of this amazing cover! She's entering my Guest Art Manga Cover Contest on Gaia (though, it's open to anyone off gaia or on) and did 2 of the artwork pieces featured on the picture frame slide show.

It was fun having her to hang out with! We played the Wii, as I mentioned, and watched an episode of Doctor Who, then went and browsed the art fair. It was cool! Though I do feel sorry she had to wait while I got into a discussion with some other dealers about Human Trafficking. The one guy was amazed it was even in America, let alone Arizona. He showed me yet again why my job with ALERT is so important.

Then there was an eye surgeon who came over. He had visited my website but said he was not ready to buy the book, which was fine. He said he thought it was about child abuse, and I told him "In a way, it is. The first version was." However, I don't think he fully understood. The book now isn't about child abuse; it's about segregation and slavery... he was very anxious to talk, though, so I just sat back and listened. He asked why I wrote about child abuse (I didn't correct him because I thought it would be rude) and I told him why. You can say all you like "slavery no longer exists" but when you're saying it to a freed slave, and they can prove you wrong, it has a different result than talking to some random person. I don't hide that I was a slave, not anymore. He asked if I'll ever get past writing about this topic, or if it'll always influence my writing... and I gave him an honest answer I'm not sure he liked.

"No."

It's the truth. What happened to me is the reason I started putting such emotion in my writing. I think you have to live something to fully understand it, and who better to write about slavery than someone who was a slave? I told him that while all my stories did not have a prominent "slavery is wrong" message, the events that happened in my life will affect me forever, and will probably always reflect in my writing. Cain, in Mercedes Rule, was segregated, tortured, judged and had people out to kill him over what he was. Abdalla, from What It's Worth, was scarred from birth because of the actions of his parents... the stories might not all be about slavery, but my message will always be the same. Segregation is wrong.

Don't torment people on what they are, focus more on what they do.

If they are evil, let their actions not their appearance show it.

He may have been disappointed, but I had other people come over, "I heard what you said. I want to help."

That's what's worth it, right? It's hard trying to be so open about the events in my life... and also having to remind people "No, it was my father, NOT my stepfather!" Poor Roger... But it's helping. It's helping the cause, and it's helping me. Many therapists have told me I need to be willing to admit openly what happened, or I'll end up hurting myself. It's good for me to be willing to say "it happened to me" yet it's still so very hard. I feel bad Saphire had to sit through that convo, though. She wasn't fully aware of all the info that was shared and I was worried it had come at her too fast, but she handled it well! Most people freak out and gawk at me, she just sat their patiently through the whole conversation, listening. It was a long one, and in the end the man didn't buy a thing, or take a free book mark or anything.

We watched LightSaber guy's table for about an hour while he went out, and I sold a DVD for him! And tried to sell a lightsaber but I didn't know enough about them.

He also solved my Lunatic Lock puzzle and while he could have had ANYTHING on the table as a prize (including the PTP Stein) he chose a copy of the book to read!

At 4, Saphire had to go, so I called and went home to get my costume finished for the MASQUERADE!

Ran home, finished the Tail for my costume, then pouted a bit 'cause I couldn't get the vampire fangs to form right (and I still can't, dag nabit) then hurried back so I wouldn't miss the ball.

There was a dance



And now we see why I had the weird nail polish. (my face looks weird in this one, I think. My jaw was set weird 'cause I was fidgeting to get the fangs to stay in place, and eventually just pulled them out)


This one's a picture of my costume from the back.


And from the side.


Yeah... So, I did that, then I met Darth Bucket


And Darth Maul

Darth Maul was cool. He played Halo on Saturday!

After that, I hung out with some people in storm trouper and Bounty Hunter costumes. (I heard a rumor someone was making a movie but I don't know for sure)

Then i went back to my hotel room with the 1 foot balcony that overlooks the pool and while it HAS a door leading out to it, I CANNOT get to my balcony.


Irks me... The hotel had this sign, though, which for unknown reasons made me laugh.



Saturday night, I also got a picture of the outside of the hotel.

That's not my car... it's a nice car, though!

Then I pouted 'cause the hotel said they only had ethernet in the rooms and my laptop (at the time) had no place to plug in the ethernet cable... I started feeling dizzy so I spent about 20 minutes gettign the makeup off (I forgot to bring cotton squares and makeup remover...) then I went to bed... after stealing the tiny shampoo, conditioner and body lotion. I actually USED the shower cap to hold my hair back since I didn't have any hair ties. It worked OK.

Sunday I woke up early and glared at my laptop before I turned on HBO. At 7 I took a shower, got my clothes on, makeup on, and sat on the bed going "... nothing starts till 9:30..."

I wore this shirt.

Also...breakfast. No dinner, 'cause it's $9.00 for a burger I probably cannot eat anyway due to the meds making things taste weird. I had the hopes that breakfast would be continental, and buffet style like Best Western offers!

No free breakfast for Ravyn :(

I went to the dealers room to find it eeempty.


Okay, so not completely empty, but still...

I want the Wii system... mostly for Zelda. Other than that, it's a party game in my opinion. You need a lot of players so you can have more fun with it, though there are plenty of single player games, I know, I think Wii went risky with the system. It was either going to boom or crash, and with the rumors that they're not allowing any online play, that seems risky... I think, over all, the DS is still my favorite game system right now. I got into a discussion with some people on Saturday night about that, but on Sunday I got to disappear from the dealers room (thanks to the man running the Lightsaber table watching my table) and got to go to the game room for a short while.

I had my DS with me and my newest game, Lunar Dragon Song (which I LOVE) so I had an Anti-Boredom device...

Thankfully, after I returned to the dealers room and sat there for a while, in walks my mom and sister! And they brought me Sonic food! I munched on that a bit and when they watched my table while I ran around collecting movie posters and 35 free music download cards! (If you want one, tell me! OH! I got a LOT of Blood and Chocolate movie posters that are going to Tiffany Vian because we can use them as prizes on CALNVAK.

When I returned from being stealthy like a ninja to collect my pirate bounty and thieving them back to my hotel room (did I work everyone in, there?) I returned to my table to see my sister and mother scarring some person for life who tried to steal my picture frame thingy. Well, Eve just snapped at her a bit and mom kept saying "NO! It's NOT FREE!" So I stalked over and asked what she needed.

Wanted to buy it, I informed her it was not for sale, but for $300 I can get her one and a flash card. She said she saw them in magazines for $600, I said "So this is the better deal, other than stealing it, hm?" She glared a while then stomped off (returned later and offered $100 and I said no, she called me a bitch, I said "hm... I'm more cat than dog" and she walked away... only to return again and offer $200... I said no :))

So mom and Eve hung out! Eve was going to buy a t-shirt from another shop, but didn't... they were pictures of animals, yet the shop owner didn't donate to any Save the Animals organization, and Eve fully believes that if you're going to make money off of the animals then you should do something for them. I have to agree, really.

Then they tried to help me make a sale, but I could tell from the start that the woman wasn't interested. (She was older, and there were a lot of people who come to the tables to talk about themselves, and I let them! I'm there as a participant, meaning I am there for them, they aren't there for me. If talking is what they want to do, that's fine. She had a lot of Serenity merchandise on and I directed her to lightSaberGuy's table because he was selling items actually used in the Serenity movie!

Eve lectured me about doing that, but I think the dealers should help each other out! And, later that same day, lightsaber guy talked someone into buying my book! Eve and Mom left after a short time.

I met a girl who made a Haku from Naruto mask! She also got the lock open and won a copy of the book!
I feel terrible that I lost the paper she wrote her name on, but she is on the forum as AshofRoses!

I made her go find her mask so I could get a picture.


My biggest sale was a manga, journal and signed book to one kind man who wanted to buy more, but I didn't have t-shirts in his size. He stayed at my table a while, just looking at me.
He said I was the most beautiful girl he'd seen in years and years. "Excuse me a moment, but I haven't seen someone of such pure beauty in a decade or more" and i made me feel... nervous. Nervous and hateful at myself. For a few reasons. I look at some of these photos and go "what is it they see? All I see is a scrawny girl with too much makeup who's ill..." I can't see what they do, but that's not what made me nervous. Online I love to get comments like that, and I had been hearing things like it the whole convention, but... when a guy, especially an older man, says it, it scares me.

"What does he want?" It goes through my mind over and over. "What is he going to do, because I'm not in that life anymore!"

...

He was just being nice.

His wife was there with him, she smiled at me, bought a copy of the manga, then went to find someone (their son, I think). After a bit, I noticed I'd backed up in my chair as far as it would go, and was leaning back, I had my hands crossed in front of me. I got really mad at myself but I just kept smiling, nodding and wondering.

I felt trapped. Like everyone was gone. I was in the very back of the room, the last table. I'd wanted a wall table with a power outlet nearby, it was one of only 3 tables that had that, and I'd been very happy till just then.

Yet, I lucked out.

Lightsaber guy had heard every word I said Saturday and that Sunday, he apparently realized that this gentleman, though as innocent as could be, was causing me distress. He started talking and the world snapped back into place. Not alone, people are here! He didn't take his eyes off the man and my table till the man left. I noticed he did that whenever a guy approached my table. Someone else told me that they could see my section, and whenever a guy came over I "acted different."

It always amazes me to discover there are strangers watching out for me, I'll be forever thankful! These guys who prove that monsters like my father are the outcasts in society; that there are decent male humans in the world.

The polite man paid me with a $50 and I gave him a bag with it all and signed the book :) It was a good experience, in the end!

Lightsaber guy and me talked about game systems, pixy stix guy bought more pixy stixs *laughs* and lightsaber guy bought one, but only paid me half what pixy stix guy did XD

It was cool!

Then I called Robin!

When I forget to take my meds, I feel bad, when I am having a "bad day" I feel like dying, but when so many hours go by, and I've been awake but haven't spoken to Robin... I feel incomplete. Depression that cannot be explained, this feeling of being empty; being alone while surrounded by people! The need that wounds worse than any addiction I'd ever faced-- a pain in my soul that tears at me and keeps whispering "something is wrong."

I have to talk to him! It's no longer a 'want' it's a 'need'. If I don't, the day is messed up. Since I was 14, I'd spent every second I've been online talking to Josh and Robin. We changed our schedules to fit each others availably. They helped me get Predator Turned Prey, published. They helped with my life!

Josh was the first person to ever make me feel there was a need to be online.

Robin was the first person to ever make me feel like there was a need to be alive. He was the first person to every say I was beautiful, and no matter what he learned about my life and my past... he stayed. He was my encouragement through it all.

But until Leprecon and not having internet access, I didn't realize how desperate the need to talk to him was. So we chatted a bit until I had people staring at me, then something on the table, then me with this "GET OFF THE PHONE SO I CAN BUY THAT" look (and I'll admit, it was VERY rude of me to have been on the phone during 'business hours', I shouldn't have and I realize that) so I hung up and spent the rest of the time doing my best to make up for my being on the phone mistake... and wishing I had text messaging. And playing Lunar Dragon Song...

At 3 there was release! Dealers room was closed, convention OVER! I packed up and dragged it all up to my hotel room after saying good-bye to everyone!

... and sat there... waited... called Robin, complained about my balcony and the lack of getting on to it there was (it had a DOOR!!! But it was locked!) Watched the people in the pool and watched three boys who actually told some woman in a thong/sting bikini thing to put some clothes on. She looked shocked, I felt bad for her, but... she really wasn't wearing something I'd suggest wearing in public.

When my phone battery was yelling at me that it was going to die, I ran to get foood! Hotel food? Not till 5... and even then, $10 for a meal not including the drink? I think not. So, I went walking.

I... knew the neighborhood. Down Town Mesa. I could have walked to Daddy's house from the hotel. Which I think added on to the fear and was why I got so nervous.

I got an Icee at Circle K! They had so many flavors! It rocked! I also got a Smart Water, some honey roasted peanuts and some Tylenol. Then I walked back to my hotel. I drank the icee while trying to figure out how to get the internet to work. Stupidly, I saw the TV had a keyboard... and internet. I thought that was how you signed up for the wireless (I know... desperation leads to stupidity and I KNOW they had wireless because it popped up every now and then and said I was out of range) so I paid $10 for it. Realizing "NO! This is awful, awful TV internet access!" I exited and pouted for a while.

I was bored, there wasn't much on TV... and then I remembered... I had Advents Children on my laptop! Oh blessed Advents Children! Thank you Kadaj and your spiffy whip like sword fighting style, thank you Cloud and your hair that looks like a chocobo! Thank you Sephiroth and your bishieness... Thank you Reno, for making me laugh! Thank you Vincent for... looking like you do. Thank you Aeries for providing screen savers when Cloud zones out.

I wondered downstairs and told the hotel desk I'd made a mistake in ordering the internet on the TV, and they said it was common and canceled the purchase, refunding my money! I used the money to purchase the wireless I found whilst in the lobby!

I was still getting hungry... and at 6:30, Mom and Roger came back! They brought me a pizza! A small lil cheese pizza from my favorite place (Peter Piper Pizza... just is) then we walked back to my room because Extreme Home Makeover was coming on and we all love that show!

I showed them my sucky balcony... then I ate while the show was on (it was cold, but, so what!?) then they left. I got bored again... and then realized I now, somehow, was in range of the wireless in my room! (apparently, paying for it shifts the laws of physics) the 'low' connection i had before was now 'good' to 'excellent'. Whatever, made my night! Stayed up till about 12:40 talking to people! Josh IMed me :) That was cool.

I watched people swim (they were there till nearly 3) and the next morning I got packed up and Mom picked me up at 12:00 (EXACTLY) We went to MCC straight from the hotel because I needed to sign up for some things and she was getting a job there for the summer. From there, we went to Sams Club to exchange my laptop... it had been faulty for a while, the hard drive was about ready to die and it kept giving me error messages.
While at SamsClub we were informed they had taken up the 6months rule. Meaning if you've had an item longer than 6 months, you had no chance at exchanging or returning it.

I had 10 days left.

SO... then I learned a cold, dark truth.

All new laptops... come with VISTA.


Dealing with that. I HATE Office 2007. If anyone has any advice, share it! :)

More news to come! VERY good news, but I needed to get this written first :)

Proof of miracles...

The blood work came back negative, I am cancer free.

A few other problems have come up, though.

I gave myself a mini-heart attack. They aren't dangerous, just very, very painful. Another reminder that life is different for me now. I mean, I've always know it would be, but it was always going to be a "would be" thing... I guess I'm still not used to the fact that the 'would be' has become the 'is' in my life.

But then something amazing happened...

Alec Dey, the Department Manager of Barned & Noble #1829, contacted me. Alec is an amazingly kind person and is going to help me out in the best way he can, he's making a dream of mine come true! He is going to permanently stock my book in his store, and is telling other Barnes & Noble stores to do the same! Alec not only is getting me into one store, he's doing his best to make sure the book is marketed and sells well, so other Barnes and Noble's will pick it up!

So! Everyone who loves in Arizona, the BookStar at 8919 E. Indian Bend RD in Scottsdale, Arizona is the one Alec manages and will have the book! If you go and they do not have it yet, just request it!

To everyone else, we also learned an amazing thing! Is over 50 people order a book from a store (meaning you go to the counter, ask if they have it, then ask if they'll order you a copy) they will stock the book on shelf!

I'm so... happy :) I haven't been truly happy in a while, but... now I am!

It's hard to look past the pain, but when the light at the end is bright enough, it becomes much easier.


ALSO! I will be at Leprecon 33 doing a few panels and running a table where I'm going to be showing off some of the latest merchandise designs and taking orders, as well as selling books and doing signings!

Click here to help save wolves and jaguars!

The wolves are in desperate need of your help! Time is running out for them and the jaguars are about to lose their home!

The wolves of Ohio are being threatened, the plan is to kill 2/3 of the population! And why? There is NO just cause! It was just decided and will throw them back onto the endagered species list.

By taking a few seconds of your time you can save them! Fill out the form with correct information, and hit send. They do not spam you with emails, nor to they sell yoru email addres..

If you repost this in your own blog, you can do even MORE to help! So re-post this message if you care about the wolves and jaguars!

I wish I knew why I was sick.

I wish I knew why I am dying.

I wish I knew why I've wanted to write so much lately.

I wish I knew what caused so much sudden inspiration.

... I wish I knew why my father hates me.

It just isn't fair. I have these dreams of walking back into his house, or I'll dream myself waking up there. I remember all of these good things he did. He bought me a donkey when I was little and ill; no one else would go to the livestock auction with him that day. I loved going there, and I didn't want him to go alone.

He had tried to get me this beautiful filly... he bid and he bid till he was down to his last penny it seemed... but he lost. I remember, because he bid and no one else was. It was a pretty wild horse, but he said he knew how well animals responded to me, he said we'd train it together. I ran outside to go see my new horse when she ran out of the pen... but then I heard shouting from inside, someone else suddenly started bidding. I heard my dad, then this other guy... I was crushed as I walked back inside. Dad gave me some money to go get some candy :) I went out and played with some puppies a woman was selling.

When I went back inside, there was this little donkey standing in the arena, by the door. I looked at it and I just... he made me happy, instantly. I reached through the gate and I stroked his head, he smiled at me and pawed at the ground. I heard people shouting out prices for a while, then my dad's voice, louder than them all.

I was so happy that day.

I remember him picking me up from school in a horse drawn carriage... a miniature horse, yes, but the symbolism was the same. It made everyone at the school so jealous.

I remember him buying Spike for me! I loved dogs, and there was this Australian Shepard down at the livestock auction. We had been there to get a new goat. I saw this dog and ran over, asked the woman lots of questions, a lot of people were looking at the dog, trying to decide. He wasn't housebroken, he was a worker, he knew how to herd... I didn't care about his work history, I wanted a pet. Looked at my daddy. "Dad, please?" I didn't expect it to work, and he gave me this look like he was amused that I'd even ask, yet agitated. The next thing I knew, he took the leash from the woman and handed it to me. I think he asked the price first, but I don't remember. I couldn't bring the dog inside, so I spent the whole time outside running around with my new puppy. People kept coming up to me, saying about the chance they had missed, offering to buy the dog from me, other kids followed me around wanting to play with the dog. He played fetch, he knew some very simple tricks... and he was a working herder! Everyone wanted him, but he was mine.

I named him Spike! His collar was a a piece of rope, same with the leash, but... that was common for me! He responded to his name that day, followed me everywhere.

Another time we were at the auction and I was younger, I was sick, too. I had wanted to go so bad, though, he dealt with a sick child the entire time we were there... and I threw up in his hat... his favorite hat. He wasn't mad.

He was there when Mom abandoned me. She was getting married, my brother and I were with her in the van, I was in the back seat, she as driving us to Dad's house because it was his weekend with us.

Mom was talking about the wedding I wasn't happy about. I liked things how they were... fairly well. I said I only wanted to be part of one family.

Meaning: Mom, Dad, my sister, my brother and myself.

Mom and Tim threw a fit. I didn't understand why... I had just turned ten, I think. Or maybe I was still nine. I got scared. Mom sped up, slammed on the brakes when we got there. I got out, so did she... she knocked hard on the door, Daddy came out, I turned back to mom, put my backpack down, and tried to hug her and say good-bye like I always did. It was our secret communication (I hate it here, you know it, I love you more, so good bye from paradise I'll see you soon) but she... pushed me away before I could even touch her.

"Good-bye, Ravyn!" She turned her wheelchair and headed toward the van, fast. Then she turned back-- that's what hurt the most. As if the shove wasn't enough, why did she turn back? She turned back to say two words. "Go away!"

I cried so hard I thought I'd run out of tears. Dad went after her, his girlfriend, Nancy, pulled me inside.

Dad came back in later. My brother wasn't with him. I asked, why? He said "You know why..." my sister wasn't coming over, either. Dad said we'd figure something out, he was trying to help figure out school, where I would be when he was at work. It crushed me to think this would be my life now. Living at my grandmother most of the time, never seeing my siblings. It hurt so bad I still haven't recovered. I have nightmares of that day.

Mom called... the next day, a day later? I can't remember. I didn't want to talk to her. He said "It's your mom..." held the phone out to me.

I started crying again, "I don't have a mom! My mother hates me!" And I ran outside.

He came and found me later in the barn and he just held me while I cried. He said it wasn't my fault I was so hated. He said Halpie was right, I just wasn't meant for this world.

He said he was sorry he worked so much, sorry that he had his own life and couldn't think how to include me in it.

He tried to make that horrible time go away. He made me talk to mom, she made me explain what I meant, and when I did she was quiet for a while, then she broke down crying and apologized, said she thought I meant his family and not her. I said that wasn't fair, because I had always thought of my family as my original family. She said she didn't know and she kept crying. He took the phone and said "You're the one who hurt her."

He took me out for pizza, and said he'd love me no matter how this ended.

I've never forgiven my mother for that. Every time she got upset, I got scared. I changed. My brother and sister... they fight, they argue, they yell at her about everything now. My sister calls her names, says driving her around is a chore. I would never insult her like that, and maybe that is because I grew up with the fear that she'd get tired of me again.

...

I know what Daddy did was wrong. That these few good things were shrouded in mystery... I know he made me a slave, I know he sold me, I know he let people hurt me in ways people cannot believe a father could allow...

But my mind keeps falling on the few good things... I had to get away. The police officers have assured me my life was in danger. I still have affects. Post-traumatic stress disorders, obsessive compulsion, the inability to feel things nearly every other person on this world feels, the fea